My Dark Skin Story

Introduction

Hi everyone, I hope you are all well. This video is going to be my dark skin story. I said I would do it a while back and I have still got that video, but I never got to upload it. So, I thought I’m finally gonna do this. I’m finally gonna tell you guys my dark skin story and, yeah, just let you hear it. I’m sure you would be able to relate to some of the things that I’m saying. So, without rambling on too much, before we start, let’s just get into it.

Racism

I started experiencing racism at primary school, getting called “Black Jack” on the streets and other random comments here and there. Secondary school was when colorism started and the word “blick” came about. I still hate that word, and it cut very deep. I’m not sure if that word is used in America, but in London, if you’re black, then you probably know what the word means. If you know it, maybe you’ve used it before, I don’t know, but most people do know what the word “blick” means. The first time I heard the word, I had never heard it before, but I instantly knew what it meant. It was just kind of instant; I just knew what it meant and instantly felt a bit hurt.

I remember in year 7, first year of secondary school, I was racially abused just because I wouldn’t give someone my gel pens. Back in the days, we had those smelly gel pens that smelled like popcorn, raspberry, blueberries, and you could get all different flavors. I had just written a list at home and left it in my room, and somehow my mom found that list. She went to Woolworths, if you remember it, and bought every single thing on that list. I guess maybe I was a bit precious about those pens and wouldn’t really just give them out to anyone because, you know, with pens, people just take them and you end up not getting them back. So, because I didn’t give someone those pens that I kind of treasured because my mom went out of her way to get them for me when I hadn’t even asked for them, I got racially abused by somebody who was supposed to be my friend.

People found other reasons to target me, such as having a big forehead, nose, and minimal eyebrows. To me, those features were more of a problem than having dark skin. I remember I couldn’t really concentrate at school because I was always kind of scared of somebody saying something racially abusive in the background. Sometimes they would say something, sometimes they wouldn’t. It wasn’t really a constant thing, but it was something that I always had my radar on about.

Light-skinned Pride

I feel this really affected my GCSE results because I wasn’t focusing in the classes that I really needed to focus on, like in science and history. I was not concentrating on what I really needed to be concentrating on. Instead, I was like a security guard for myself, just keeping alert and waiting to hear something racist. I basically lived in fear; I was just afraid of that word most of the time. I couldn’t even say the word “blick” myself. Now I can say it, but I have no reason to say it apart from this video. There was such a thing as light-skinned pride, and this wasn’t just for the light-skinned people. Dark-skinned people actually had light-skinned pride if they were one-eighth of a tone lighter than a person darker than them.

To me, light-skinned pride means that someone, because they are a tone or so lighter than you, feels proud to put you down. It kind of gives them confidence about themselves just because they know they’re not the darkest in the room. Usually, people who are darker are kind of put into one category, especially if you’re as dark as me. Nobody’s really looking for differences in tones when you’re this dark; it’s just the darker people that kind of look for those differences when the insecurity becomes too much.

I would never have light-skinned pride because I’ve always even desired to be darker. I actually want my skin to be darker; I wouldn’t have a problem with that. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with people being proud to be light-skinned, but when it comes to putting other people down just to make yourself feel better, I think that’s when a problem starts.

Being a Target

When I was younger, I went to a church that was predominantly black but had a white pastor. One year, when I was 14, I went to a church camp. I was excited because the church was good about helping people who couldn’t afford to go on these camps. I experienced a bad time on that camp. It was bad and good at the same time. My one prayer before I left for that camp was that I would make friends. We prayed about it, and I specifically remember it like it was yesterday.

We were on the camp and it started by name-calling, completely out of the blue. I felt like I was born to be a target or something. I couldn’t control this; I am who I am. Why have I suddenly become a target for being myself? I couldn’t control it. I remember being called things like “shadow” and “black,” and other random things I can’t remember. I held everything in until I got home, and then I just burst into tears.

The Somalian Boy

One day, I was walking home from school and a Somalian boy across the road shouted at me, “Hey, you’re as black as my shoe.” He repeated himself because I didn’t hear it the first time. I crossed the road and asked him, “Why do you hate dark people or black people in general?” He said he doesn’t hate black people; he actually hates white people. I was confused as to why he hated anyone for that matter. The encounter ended in a hug. I feel like that boy was just bored and decided to be a racial abuser.

Racism in College

Once I got to college, being dark-skinned was less of a problem. However, I remember one occasion where I heard a racist shout from across the canteen from someone who I think was a criminal. I remember seeing him or his cousin in the newspaper, and I was like, wow. That incident stuck with me. It was more of an occasional thing. After college, I attended an art university, which was the most culturally diverse and international school I had been to thus far. My eyes kind of flung wide open. I started to see things differently because of the diversity. The same thing happened when I changed churches. At that new school and church, I didn’t experience racism.

Colorism

When I was 19, my friend told me that her cousin was saying I was beautiful. I found that compliment hard to take in because I was still struggling to even find myself to be a three. The cousin himself was dark as well. I took the compliment, but I think my insecurities stemmed from a different place, a more general but personal place. By the time I went to university, I was completely put off black men because of what they had put me through with all the racial and colorist abuse. It wasn’t just in the church or at school but also on the streets, where black men would shout insults if I didn’t stop to talk to them.

Colorism is something that exists within the black community and something we have to deal with. These days, with people like Lupita Nyong’o as role models and inspirations, people have started to see dark skin differently. Colorism has existed within the black community, even though white people and light-skinned people do love to tan and become darker.

Getting Dark

There have been occasions where people have said the most out-of-place things. For example, when I came back from Uganda, a white person said to me, “You’re looking so black today.” I didn’t know how to respond, and then they proceeded to say, “Oh, you’re so beautiful,” to soften the blow. Sometimes black people say things like, “I don’t want to be out in the sun because I don’t want to get dark,” not knowing that a dark person is right next to them. It sounds offensive. Did it ever cross their mind that getting darker or even being dark is not necessarily a bad thing?

Freedom of Expression

Once, I was shopping in Primark and heard someone say, “I don’t think dark-skinned people should wear bright clothes.” I approached the girl and asked her to explain. She said her dad is darker than me, so why would that be racist? Because her father is darker than me, she thought she had a racism passport. I am going to wear what I want, even if it blends into my skin and makes me look naked. That is my freedom of expression. Who are you to voice your opinion in a non-constructive way? When you say negative things without any constructive side, what is the point? Especially to a complete stranger.

Embracing Yourself

When I cut my hair in the first year of uni, it started a completely new journey. I wanted to be myself and explore style. Now, I am a self-activist because I believe we all have a right to be ourselves and to be comfortable in our own skin. I’m happy those times never put me off being dark-skinned or pushed me towards bleaching. Dark skin has always been and will always be beautiful. Please continue being yourself and embracing the person and the skin that you’re in.

Conclusion

That has been my dark skin story. It’s more like a combination of stories. I’m sure there’s so much I’ve missed out, but I’ve tried to give an overview of what I had to go through. All those random times people pointed out my dark skin in a negative or unnecessary way, I’m sure you’ve had that too. If you’re dark-skinned, you have probably experienced it. Let me know in the comments.